Satisfaction..

'love is a game..quit while ur ahead'

I dont have time to do this. I dont have time to revel in how happy i am..how satisfied..how much i've grown. I used to be the girl that made an effort with everyone..the person that treated everybody like they were number 1..im still the same person..but now i know that i can't always make the effort..everyone has a part to play. To start to write about everthing that just started to change when i became this person, is a post for another time. But right now..im revelling in my satisfaction..enjoying my happiness..because i know now that absence really does make the heart grow fonder!

I've Been Tagged:(

Oh Minky..whyyy???

The rules...

1. Link the person(s)who tagged you(err..i just realised i don't know how to link)

2. mention the rules in your blog

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. tag six following bloggers by linking them (i don't know how to link)

5. leave comments on each of the tagged blogs letting them know they've been tagged...

OK..unspectacular o..Minky prepare to be bored!!

1. I love to shop ALONE- i don't see shopping as a bonding experience, except I'm not buying anything or the person is paying. I'd rather shop alone..choose my own random stuff..take my time or rush depending on how i feel..hang around a shop for an hour and then NOT buy ANYTHING!! I love shopping alone!

2.I love the mirror- I'm not vain, although a lot of people will beg to differ..i just fond it weird that you can look in the mirror and cant tell whether you're good looking or not..if theres a mirror..I'm looking in it..PS-reflecting surfaces work just fine.

3. I read too much. Now im sure this applies to most people that blog, but I'm talking about reading everything on labels of cereal packets..and bottles..and signboards..other peoples lecture notes..etc

4. I'm very sweet (bordering on cheesy)- I'm that person that writes letters..(not all those razz love letters)..but letters that remind him of all the firsts..or send an email reminding him of how happy it makes me for him to start my day..i send thank you cards and notes..i remember the most inconsequential things about people..i make Cd's..omg! my apparent cheesiness disgusts me..PS-my sweetness spreads to girls too o!

5.I hardly get bored. The only time i get bored is in someone Else's space..such as waiting rooms..but in my own space..theres always something to do..think, read, write, draw, paint, listen to music..as in seriously..how are people always bored??

6. I love to chill in the dark. i love the dark. That's probably why my eyes are bad(even though i will NEVER wear glasses)..In a house alone..i would just lie in the dark..listen to music...just chill..my family hates it!!

OK..that's it. Erm..hasn't everybody been tagged?? that's it folks..wait charizard..have you been tagged..i tag u and buttercup..sorry i cant link u guys sha..but ill let u know on Ur blog..ha!

xx

sadness

I'm sad. But i dont know why. It's this emptiness in the pit of my stomach and i dont know what to do. It's not about a guy anymore. At least i dont think it is. i've accepted that you can't always have what you want. Who you want. It's ironic how you think you don't want someone until they are about to turn around and say goodbye. I'm sad. I don't know how to let go, release my inhibitions. I can't talk about it to anyone. They don't understand that just because i'm loud..and funny..doesn't mean i don't have thoughts that haunt me. I'm sad. And it heightens all my other sad emotions. It elevates every unreturned call to a reason to wallow for a little while.

I don't know why i dont know how to follow life's rules. I don't even know what they are half of the time. It's like everyone knows what to do..and say..and how to act..and im always one step behind. I don't know what to do. Everyone struggles to be different..but like i hear everyday..i AM different. But i'm not sure it's in that cute, quirky way that everyone wants to be different. It's in that way that makes people say 'you're weird'..over and over and over again..If i had a penny for everytime i've heard that... sometimes i just wonder what it would be like to be kind of like everyone else..Wonder what it would be like to say something and not have everyone go 'uhn?'...

I'm sad and i dont know what to do. I know the sadness will pass. But that doesnt mean i know what to do the next time it comes. How long can i keep getting engulfed by this wave without drowning? I want to understand where it comes from..i want to understand why i always pick people that come and heighten it..It's impossible to shut myself off from the world..it's temporary relief to write what i feel..i want something more permanent.

Today i read a book extract to her. My best friend. It was the letter that was about the resentment i felt for her when he chose her. I felt ashamed. I don't know how she felt. I wanted to apologize..but i can't apologize for how i felt..

I need God.

Goodbye Mr Fineboy!

i'm psychic..i was studying intensly..taking notes and all..next thing..(something) said..just check up on mr fine boys page..and lo and behold..new post!! but..what? i can actually see the end of the post..normally his posts are like 3 chapters long! ok..fair enough..the gist is short!! what?? *rubs eyes* he's what?? leaving?? what??

I've read many blogs!! (well what can u do when ur supposed to be working)..and a lot of them made me think 'this is funny'..even if my mouth didnt even twitch..fine boys blog is the ONLY blog that made me LOL..laugh out very loud! that kind of ugly laughter that makes chinese people sharply say 'ishpiwando'..i'm sorry..someone did this to me..im not evn trying to be racist!!..but seriously..*sigh*..this blog is not for laughs..its for exploration of emotions...i have a jokes blog!lol..(yes im jobless enuf to have two blogs)..but..what is blogsville going to be now!!

Infact..whats wrong with everyone?? Why is everyone up and leaving?? I'm actually sad (this isnt weird is it)..but its easy to actually feel close to someone because of the way they write..(dont judge me)...*sigh*..i wish i didnt read that post..then i can actually tell myself that he will be back to post! for now..i log off my computer(actually..the library computer..but that spoils the drama)..and just go and weep(for like 5 seconds..cos i have to read for exams)

Goodbye Mr Fineboy!!

xx

ps just remembered something..three new nija film quotes..

guy1-so..u want her watched?
guy2- ur guess is as good as mine..
wtf??

girl-'the brain is a sophisticated organ..most times it escapes the mind!'err...??

hotshot doctor- 'are u serious of what ur talking about??'

kai..nollywood is mezzed up!

Patience and Sensiblity

'by trying to be different..we are all the same'
Hehe..thats my wise quote for the day that i made up! Anyway..i've realised something very disturbing about myself. I'm addicted to kissing. Well maybe 'addicted' is a strong word. But im not sure what a more suitable word would be. It's not just the actual kissing. I love to talk about it..think about it. I'm worried. I've always know that i'm a bit weird..but this is just disturbing. Yesterday my friend asked 'have u ever turned a kiss down'..off course i have..lol..i'm not THAT bad. Hmm..but i had to think about it for sometime before names of the so-called 'rejected' started popping into my head. So really.what's the solution to this problem?

I think im finally becoming more..sensible? Maybe it's re-reading my posts and thinking..'ok..this is slightly pathetic'..but i'm not waiting for the phone to ring anymore..i'm waking up and thinking..'what time should i start studying today'..not..'i miss ______ boy'..so yay!!

And i keep making friends with guys that have girlfriends. ok..what is it with guys that have girlfriends and wanting to make friends with hot single girls ehn? im not talking about guys that mess around..guys that luff their babes madly! they now want to be all..'i feel like ur my best friend'..errr? lol!!

Some of my friends want to go and wash my head inside a river o..they think being single for so long isnt normal..but i know peopel that have been single for the 20 years of their life! yep..never been kissed..never had a boyfriend..etc. So which river is big enough to wash their own head? eh? I think things should just take their natural course. I don't want anyone to push me with their..'is it that you just dont meet guys'..'are u meeting the wrong guys'...'even so and so has someone on their case(which i think is very insultive btw)'..its this same friends that will berate u when you end up with someone totally unsuitable. So everyone..i might be a lot of things..but i'm not desperate! or searching for that matter. Things happen in their time..and i'm patient!

xx

It happened like this (1)

He opened the door. He looked dreamy in a plain white t and khaki shorts. It was all i could do not to jump on him. 'hey'..i said, my voice sounding quiet,even to me. i brought a present i said holding up the small hastily wrapped package to him. He smiled. I felt weaker. @thanks..you know you shouldn't have'. he stepped back and let me in. 'let me take your jacket'..he said, holding out his hand. i slipped it off..I suddenly felt quite naked in my tank top and shorts. The look that felt casual this morning suddenly felt like 'too much skin'. He opened the door to his room and waited for me to come in. My eyes flashed involuntarily to the bed and i looked way quickly, ashamed of my racy thoughts.

'So. Do you want to start cooking now, or do you want to chill for a bit?'..he said standing in front of me, his hands in his pockets.

'um..i guess we should start..i'm getting kind of hungry'..'for you'..i thought blushing and thanking God for dark skin.

'wait..let me see what you got me'..my heart leaped to my throat, and i cursed silently in my brain.

'oh'..he said, opening the small package. A CD. I wonder what's on it. I shuddered. the mix that seemed so thoughtful at the time i made it now seemed embarrasing and slightly cheesy. 'lets listen to it in the kitchen.'

'No O'..i heard myself saying. 'um'..'no'..i said more quietly. He laughed. 'Fine..let me feed you before you start making embarrasing hunger sounds..'

err..10 minutes

i only have ten things..so one thing per minute...

1. i am so loving keisha cole rite now!!

2. im starting to feel left out of the blog community..i didnt start this blog 2 make friends..but after a while..ur like ah ah!!

3. Its so friggin hot..i had 2 go and invest in some white tank tops..well..not invest sha..it was only pmark stuvs mehn..cant shout!

4. He CAAAALLED ME!! and then TEXTED ME!! in the same frigging day..AFTER we already talked!!! wooooooooh!!! so eggciting

5. I was randomly wondering what it would be like to make out with a girl the other day..i decided it'd be..squishy..neh..ive neva evn bin with a 'cuddly' guy

6. The stupid cheap bookstore had to go and close..who wants to buy books at real prices..shio!

7. um..exams ko easy o..maybe thats y ive bcome so boring..i mean look at this post!!

8. i dont know y pple r always wanting to do me o!! ah ah..im tired of being 'the one we want to shag'

9. y do pple say..'find a guy that calls u beautiful instead of hot!!..um..u berra find a guy that finds u attractive..enuf said!

10. nigerian film quote- 'maybe if u took more care with ur appearance..ull turn from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swine'

xx

Better Days

Sometimes i'm actually happy. And it seems like for a short window sometimes..there's actually no drama. Just pure bliss. Happiness..etc. Erm..those times however, havent been the last few weeks. In the last week, i've been kissed by my cousin, called confused by a little boy, been rejected by a boy, lied to by my father, by my friend, spilled out some really embarrasing things to people i shouldnt. This week has been a mess really!

But ah well..on a brighter note..wait..there is no brighter note!! lol..but im happy!!