Dignity

'ok please stop calling, thank you flabby'...

Nice way to start my day.

So basically i met this guy in like November. He saw my pictures on facebook and asked my friend for my number. So we started talking. Within a week he 'likes' me. Now i'm not trying to somehow judge his feelings- but i was judging his feelings. I didnt believe him, but believing him was not the point. The point was that i did not feel the same way- after all we had only just started talking, we had not even met. And so we continued to talk. Like two weeks in-he was upset if i went to sleep without calling him or if he was ill and i hadnt checked up on him. I told him that i did not understand where the obligations were coming from. He sent me a 4 page text and didnt talk to me for a week. I called him one day and we started talking again. That night he sent me another 5 page text detailing how much he missed me. The feeling of suffocation started again. To be honest i always used to think- 'dude you're 26, why are you acting like a child'. Our relationship was ok until the airport incident;

Basically, we still hadnt met and i was travelling to nig. So he says that we should meet up at the airport for like 5- 10 minutes so that he could give me 'something'. I explained to him that i was travelling with my 11 year old cousin so my auntie would want to follow us to the gate. I dont think she cares who i meet up with at the airport but my 11 year old cousin is wrapped in cotton wool. The fact that i looked like crap was neither here nor there.

So we get to the airport-late (by my aunts standards)- and my aunt rushes us through to the gate and everything. Well the departure lounge sha. I bring out my phone and i see a missed call from him. I call him back. He asks me where i am and i tell him, explaining that there would be no point of him coming. He vexes and gets off the phone. He doesnt call me again before we leave-i think i called and he didnt pick up.

I get to nig and i text him along with the other people that i want to have my number. He calls me two days later. 'do you know i was in the airport when you called?'

Two questions- why did he come to the aiport when we hadnt agreed on it?? and why didnt he tell me he was in the airport that day???

So he calls me for a couple of days. Ond day he's like- 'today i wanted to call you with my phone then i realised they had cut me off, so i went out to get a calling card to call you but i did not find one so i had to come back home and get the car to drive to kilburn to get one'...im like..'aaaw-how sweet' but in my mind im like 'WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME????'

So one day he gives me this whole i like you and you dont like me and i dont know what to do speech. I said if not talking to me will make you feel better then ill respect your decision to not do so. He then sent me a loong text detailing how it would hurt not to talk to me but it would hurt to talk to me. (let me just add here that if he had let me breathe small- i could have liked him, he was sweet)

Anyway he stopped calling. I came back to jd and called him. he was cool. I called him a couple of days later and he didnt pick up. he didnt call back either. i texted asking if we werent talking, he didnt reply. Maybe that should have been a hint- but i dont do hints. So i called him again. This time he picked up. He said he had been busy and why wouldnt we be talking. The day before his birthday i called him. He joked that he was turning 20 not 27. I texted him on his birthday-he said thankyou. I texted him the day after to ask about his birthday-he didnt reply.

A couple of days after, i talked to the friend that gave him my number. She told me about the classic ipod that he bought me. The one i made a lot of noise about in December. Then she told me his version of the airport story where off course i was the bitch!! We lamented on the loss of an ipod and i told her the airport story again. Then i called him- he didnt pick up.

that weekend, i went to London. Seeing we had never met, i called him to ask if he wanted to meet up. He didnt pick up. Then he called me and i missed it, then i called him again like twice and he didnt pick up.

Anyway he called me at 3am last night. I was asleep. I woke up to read a long text basically saying it was hard to get over you so what do you want from me? I said if he didnt want me to call he should just say so and thats when he sent me that text. The one that said 'please dont call'

In other news, on my way back from the gym yesterday (looking like a tramp) this guy stopped in his car to ask for my number (in jd again????)

So my friend said i had reduced my self dignity by calling him so many times? Do you think your dignity is determined by the number of times you call someone? Or because you prefer people to tell you things in words not actions?? So basically to the guy i have no dignity???

xxx

why the hell is he lying to me? Why do i care that he's lying? because we are friends-dammit!! or is that all in my head?? whats with all these 'friends' that keep pissong me off-i need new friends...

I need to finish my essay. its final year, i cant afford to not finish on time to edit properly

I need another friend like the one that threw me away- someone i can talk to about everything, not just because they are good listeners but because they actually bloody care!

I've never really been alone. I've been single for a looong time but never alone.
Before I continue,baroque-long story!...neffie-specs coming up soon!..DM-you too!
Now where was I?
I've never been alone.There's always someone wasting my minutes and occupying my mind
(Gosh I hate blogging with my phone)
So anyway for the first time in a long time,I think I'm alone
I've been fighting it all the usual ways...
Calling up stalkers I dint send before..
Hanging on to fading friendships...
Giving shreds of hope to people...
But the truth is...I'm tired of fighting it
I need to learn how to be happy and secure without seeking external validation
I need to learn how to let things happen their own way instead of tryin to control everything
Being alone is lonely I won't lie
But maybe this is a good time to rediscover my relationship with God
And pay more attention to my friends
And go to bed early
And not worry about where 'its' going

I actually planned to blog about why owning a blackberry is shameful...
I guess I'll do that later
Chari and buttercup please halp scarred cynics like me believe in love

Have a good day guys

Xxx

S@!*

I want a boyfriend!

Gist from the 234

I'm BAAAAAAAAACk!! scream for JOY people!!!

so yeh wat happened in nig lets c..

Wait hold up self? What is it about the idiots that stop on the road to talk to you..i mean the ones that roll down their windows and shout stuff..or the ones that follow you slowly in the car..as in WTF?? is it because i'm walking? You think im going to jump for joy at ur chrysler or camry? as in really? One of the most ridiculous ones was the guy that jus stopped, leaned out and shouted ' can i just have your number?'... talk about straight to the point!! How about that leaned out of his window and shouted 'is it a sin to tell you that you're fine?'

Now im complaining about the cars that stop. At least thats better than the street urchins that shout. The one that was singing 'i love the way ur walking' and all the ones that shouted variations of the word 'sexy'...I curse all the times i walked on the road without my ipod..as in what the hell was i thinking?

Now that my rant is out of the way..
hows everyone???

So on the night of the first- i was at insomnia (mehn naija is deep o-clubbin till 7 o clock)..anyway it was my friends bday and that was her club of choice whats a girl to do. First of all i couldnt decide what to wear. threw on the first dress. it was a grey cotton one- very short but full sleeved- not tight-no cleavage..so ok nau! all my jd friends were like..yeh..nice dress..but my hater naija friends..'babes are u going out like that'..'shet ur naked'..etc..i turned to one and im like ' but babes..my dress is longer than yours'..what did she have to say? 'but mine is tight at the bottom'..schhheeew!.

Ok dress number two. bright red! tube, not as short as the first one- but too damn sexy..reaction 1-silence. reaction 2- 'shet mehn this babe u look like a slut'..show?? is it my fault that my body has slutty-looking tendencies..as usual, my jd babes were like-yeh its cool (ive rocked the dress here self)..anyhow i stuck to the grey dress..next thing one girl is like 'i would pay for your ass'..woah! it just came out of like nowhere..im just like riiite!!

So onto the club- i can hardly be bothered to leave my house so when i do-i have to have fuuun! so im dancing away and all- my friend- (lets call him Peter) came with his cousin who was feeling all familiar and saying stuff like ' you owe me a dance' im laughing and going 'yeh yeh-off course'.. anyhow Peter is sticking to me all noght- but its fair enough cos he's like my brother(ok thats a lie) but were tight. So at some point..were dancing on a chair (me and peter) and then i get on the floor to dance with another guy. After like one song, Peter CARRIES me.. yes-try and imagine!! CARRIES me back to the chair..in my mind im like 'oops-maybe now its time to acknowledge that my dear friend might like me..(there were other things, but story for another post)

Finally, im sitting down beside said familiar cousin and he leans over and says 'oh i forgot to say-than your mother'.
me- *blank look* what?
him- you dont know what that means?
me-err, nah!
him- well thank your mother sha-is he being serious??? was he in an American music video??

Anyways-ill come back and post some more later!! hope ur keeping your new yr resolutions u naughty nayghty people!!

DM-customs took the boy away!:(

xxx