Dignity

'ok please stop calling, thank you flabby'...

Nice way to start my day.

So basically i met this guy in like November. He saw my pictures on facebook and asked my friend for my number. So we started talking. Within a week he 'likes' me. Now i'm not trying to somehow judge his feelings- but i was judging his feelings. I didnt believe him, but believing him was not the point. The point was that i did not feel the same way- after all we had only just started talking, we had not even met. And so we continued to talk. Like two weeks in-he was upset if i went to sleep without calling him or if he was ill and i hadnt checked up on him. I told him that i did not understand where the obligations were coming from. He sent me a 4 page text and didnt talk to me for a week. I called him one day and we started talking again. That night he sent me another 5 page text detailing how much he missed me. The feeling of suffocation started again. To be honest i always used to think- 'dude you're 26, why are you acting like a child'. Our relationship was ok until the airport incident;

Basically, we still hadnt met and i was travelling to nig. So he says that we should meet up at the airport for like 5- 10 minutes so that he could give me 'something'. I explained to him that i was travelling with my 11 year old cousin so my auntie would want to follow us to the gate. I dont think she cares who i meet up with at the airport but my 11 year old cousin is wrapped in cotton wool. The fact that i looked like crap was neither here nor there.

So we get to the airport-late (by my aunts standards)- and my aunt rushes us through to the gate and everything. Well the departure lounge sha. I bring out my phone and i see a missed call from him. I call him back. He asks me where i am and i tell him, explaining that there would be no point of him coming. He vexes and gets off the phone. He doesnt call me again before we leave-i think i called and he didnt pick up.

I get to nig and i text him along with the other people that i want to have my number. He calls me two days later. 'do you know i was in the airport when you called?'

Two questions- why did he come to the aiport when we hadnt agreed on it?? and why didnt he tell me he was in the airport that day???

So he calls me for a couple of days. Ond day he's like- 'today i wanted to call you with my phone then i realised they had cut me off, so i went out to get a calling card to call you but i did not find one so i had to come back home and get the car to drive to kilburn to get one'...im like..'aaaw-how sweet' but in my mind im like 'WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME????'

So one day he gives me this whole i like you and you dont like me and i dont know what to do speech. I said if not talking to me will make you feel better then ill respect your decision to not do so. He then sent me a loong text detailing how it would hurt not to talk to me but it would hurt to talk to me. (let me just add here that if he had let me breathe small- i could have liked him, he was sweet)

Anyway he stopped calling. I came back to jd and called him. he was cool. I called him a couple of days later and he didnt pick up. he didnt call back either. i texted asking if we werent talking, he didnt reply. Maybe that should have been a hint- but i dont do hints. So i called him again. This time he picked up. He said he had been busy and why wouldnt we be talking. The day before his birthday i called him. He joked that he was turning 20 not 27. I texted him on his birthday-he said thankyou. I texted him the day after to ask about his birthday-he didnt reply.

A couple of days after, i talked to the friend that gave him my number. She told me about the classic ipod that he bought me. The one i made a lot of noise about in December. Then she told me his version of the airport story where off course i was the bitch!! We lamented on the loss of an ipod and i told her the airport story again. Then i called him- he didnt pick up.

that weekend, i went to London. Seeing we had never met, i called him to ask if he wanted to meet up. He didnt pick up. Then he called me and i missed it, then i called him again like twice and he didnt pick up.

Anyway he called me at 3am last night. I was asleep. I woke up to read a long text basically saying it was hard to get over you so what do you want from me? I said if he didnt want me to call he should just say so and thats when he sent me that text. The one that said 'please dont call'

In other news, on my way back from the gym yesterday (looking like a tramp) this guy stopped in his car to ask for my number (in jd again????)

So my friend said i had reduced my self dignity by calling him so many times? Do you think your dignity is determined by the number of times you call someone? Or because you prefer people to tell you things in words not actions?? So basically to the guy i have no dignity???

xxx