What if you cant have it all? What if they lied to us? Our parents- the motivational speakers- our friends- movies- books- life. What if everything was a lie? What if you cant have it all? This perfectly rounded, world accepted view of happiness and contentment. Of right and wrong. I'm sure if we ask the 53 year old single woman who divorced her husband when she was 36 because he cheated on her, she might agree that infidelity is not the ultimate crime and even if it was- being alone night after night is a bigger crime. Because how can we expect perfect happiness when we are ourselves imperfect? How can we give perfect love when we ourselves do not have the ability to be perfect.

Maybe 'perfect' is too strong a word, because many would say that they dont strive for perfection- they strive for contentment. Contentment then. At what point do you choose to accept being content, without feeling like you're settling. At what point do you say- this is what I need, so im going to stop. Its like life is like a game of deal or no deal. You decide early on that once you get enough money to pay your mortgage, or pay for a holiday or have that surgery, you would accept the bankers offer and walk away. But then the banker offered you an amount you thought you could be content with, and you go on playing anyway because those numbers on the board taunt you- tell you that you CAN have more. And sometimes you do get more. But just as often, you dont. But how do YOU know when to stop. Whats the meter that you get in your head or heart that tells you- no more. Be content. Let go. Stop hoping. Let go. Let go.

Because the truth is there is no meter. You have to decide. Theres no having it all. You choose what you can cope with. You prioritise. You can have some. Then at some random point (which isnt pre-determined, which you have to decide) you decide- this is enough. And it is at that point that 'enough' becomes 'all'.

Life is hard.