I think a big part of maturity is self-awareness. Knowing yourself well enough to know what you can and can't do. Actually what you should and shouldn't do. I've been in the exact same position loads of times and thought...why am i here...again? It's like you do something you know you shouldn't do, knowing it would lead to a place you don't want to go back to...but you take the road anyway. It's not even optimism or naivety, it's just a sheer lack of self-control...the way I imagine an addict feels. The temporary ecstasy makes you believe that your long term happiness is something you should gamble. Something you can gamble. And then you end up in the EXACT SAME POSITION AGAIN!

And then when I run through it in my mind...the only thing I can think is...

WHY THE HELL AM I HERE AGAIN?