Every mistake you made can be made sooner. Everytime something bad happens, for the first few minutes/ hours afterwards, depending on how bad it is, I just break down and cry. I've had many of those this year already, but I realised something...it's a blessing that I get to make these mistakes now. It's best that all these things happen when really, I don't have that much to lose. I don't have that far to fall...so even if I did hit rock bottom, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Off course I've made some mistakes that people my age may have learned ages ago...but everyone has their own journey and this is my own. So I'm giving myself a damn break! Constantly dwelling in blame and self pity is really quite a useless place to be. And honestly, nothing good comes out of that place. So, right now today, I'm grateful for all the mistakes I'm able to make now.
I was going through my past yesterday. It's funny how much one person can completely change you. It was strange to see how I was. I honestly did not care about anyone's opinions about me. I did, thought, said and felt whatever I wanted. Then I met someone that cared and then made me care. I started to care a lot- too much about everything. Stuff that doesn't even matter. I didn't realise until I was looking back at evidence of who I used to be, how much I miss that person. The truth is, I can't go back. It's silly to ever want to go back anyway, you should always want to move forward. But I miss the old me. Or do I? Maybe, on a level, we should care what other people think about what we do? I don't know. Actually, no, I miss the old me. When you don't care, there are no hurdles on your path to self discovery. You can literally do ANYTHING. Another thing is consistency. I've never been consistent in my life. 4 goals that I've always had forever and I keep repeating are 'write, be consistent, be fluent in french, be healthy'. These are the first on my list whenever I decide to re-evaluate my goals. None of these things has ever happened. Oh wait, sometimes...I'm pretty healthy. I'm going to stop now.