There's a lot to be said for staying.

Isnt that what God does?
Yes- in everything relating to how much we should take...I reference God.

Basically, we can do anything- and as long as we can appreciate that we were wrong, we can start over.

How come with humans, it's all 'I forgive you but...'

'But we can never be friends again'

'But I can never trust you again'

'But this kind of behaviour is unacceptable'

There are too many conditions. Staying is weak or stupid or just against the general principle of life.

But why?

I'm not a stayer and it's the people who act the worst that comment on the fact that I'm always looking for an opportunity to run away. So obviously, I put what they say down to bullshit...like how can you add badly and then be-grudge me for running away?

But when I think about it...staying means something. Staying is something we don't try enough.

I don't mean staying when you might end up dead.

Or staying when the only way you can sleep is sleeping pills.

Or staying when your betrayal is too deep to stay and forgive.

Or staying when you're.just.not.happy.

You know what? I was wrong...leaving is definitely how it's supposed to be.



She looked at the knife on the table like she was looking from outside. Then she realised that she actually was looking from outside. He was crying into his hands. Her lifeless body was folded across the chair. Her favorite zara top slashed where he cut when he attacked.

He didn't mean to.

Even as she looked at her own lifeless body, she felt sympathy for him. He was only acting out of anger. He loved her. He didn't mean to.

She moved closer as he moved closer, wishing he could reverse time. He whispered her name- she thought shouting would be a better way to get to her, but maybe that was just her- she was getting bored with the scene. She missed him already. Then she missed her body because apparently ghosts couldn't cry.

Was she even a ghost?

She sat on the arm of the chair. She still seemed able to sit- certainly not what the movies made you believe.

She wondered for the first time what she was still doing next to her body. Surely she should be moving quickly up or down. What's it going to be God...am I burning or becoming an angel?

He would never hold her again...She felt sad just looking at him. She loved him so much.

She looked at her body. He was looking for bin bags to wrap her in. Noone was going to find out. There was no way he was going to get away with killing her. Even by mistake.

Or was he?

He killed her. She had been looking but not really seeing.


And it didn't matter if he meant to do it or not. she was STILL dead.

She panicked. 'I hate you'

In that moment, he saw her and screamed. The look of terror on his face gave her as much satisfaction as you could feel when you were watching you get stuffed into a cheap bin bag.

He would never forget.

Then again. She would never live.

She started to fade from the scene.

Oh no..what now?




I just want to say thank you to all my followers. Old and new. This blog is extremely selfish and often self-centered and I don't say thank you enough. I PROMISE I go on every single one of your blogs if you follow or comment.

To further my appreciation, I want your submissions. As most of you can tell, I tend to be pretty obsessed with love and relationships. So if you have an experience you want to share, some advice or something you want me to write about- email- sexywriterchic (at) gmail (dot) com

It doesn't have to be long or short- it can be ANYTHING. I would especially love to hear your personal experiences with emotional stuff.

I look forward to hearing your voices for a change.

I think most of us have felt what being in love feels like without actually being in love. You know those crazy feelings with infatuation or lust or a really crazy crush...the thing is those feelings, they don't last. That's the difference...I think. Until I fall in love, I won't know for sure.

Isn't it funny how we're different things to different people? Like to some people I'm this enthusiastic happy person and to some people I'm cold. Neither of them is wrong. People just bring out different parts of you.

It's funny how little I have to lose and how scared I still am. Right now I have nothing. No I can lose nothing. But yet, I can't seem to propel myself forward. I'm still scared.

What happens when I have a lot to lose?

What then?


The Never-Ending Puzzle Called Love

I've always been baffled about the different definitions of love. Not different shades or elements, but different definitions. And then when I finally get past the many definitions, then comes the types. The love you have for family, and then the love you have for friends. The love you have for a bag of crisps and the kind you can be in.

If love is so undefinable, then why do we bother to define it. How do we make up all these rules for the things love isn't, when we don't actually know what it is.

If this passionate 'in love' love trumps all other kinds of love, why is the one kind of love than can release someone from it's clutch 'i fell out of love'. But I guess that's what happens when you fall into anything- because falling screams 'mistake'...'i didnt mean it to happen'. I've always hated 'i don't know how it happened' . Like fainting- it always seems so sudden, but there's nothing sudden about it. The day I fainted, I was aware I was going to faint, I knew it was the aftermath of my lightheadedness and I sort of gradually went out. To the outside world, it was much faster- to me it was a long process. I think in life as well, there's a lot more responsibility to be had for actions and emotions. Its easy to just let go and go with the flow, but I think you should ever ever go with the flow, if you know where it's going. Don't just stay on a river that might or might not end up where you want to be.

Anyway...what was I saying? Love. What is it?

If green can just be blue sometimes, is there a point having a blue? Or a green?


Why is capri-sun so tasty?

I have a few more questions

Why is pasta so tasty?

Why is ribena so tasty?

Why is chocolate cake so tasty?

Why is it so hard to learn another language?

Why is it so easy to be lazy?

Why does it take days to put on weight and weeks to lose it?

I coincidentally started a new exercise regime on the first of the month! I didn't even realise, although my body was being very persuasive in getting me to put on trainers. Even though running 4.41 miles in two days made my body hurt all over (the joys of being unfit), I still chomped down half a chocolate cake in said two days. I still drool thinking about that cake...it was delicious! I might never make another type of chocolate cake again (hmmm...actually since i found that recipe, I haven't baked any other type).

Learning French is so frigging hard. But I WILL BE A FRENCH SPEAKER BEFORE I DIE meme si elle me tue.

I've been thinking...the angel and demon are equal right now. I'm as healthy as I am unhealthy. I'm as lazy as I am hardworking. I have to find a way to tip the scales.

Being broke and spotty just doesn't really work.