Who still watches one tree hill?? I want someone to discuss it with!! *im sad-i know*



I'm completely self delusional...

I would never have thot this..

Infact if asked to describe myself i would say that i'm a sweet, too-nice, wears her feelings on her jacket kinda girl...

But apparently i'm more of a stone cold dont care about anyone *insert bad word that starts with b*

I guess it shouldn't be that much of a shock

I remember one time when my friend said she didnt think i was a christian because 'you're not a nice person' *insert shocked hurt expression* Although her opinion obviously changed when she got to know me- at least i HOPE it has*

So- if i care about people truly and it just doesnt show- I don't actually know what to do

Oh please- i dont want to hear that 'then show it' because as i said before i thought i was showing the feelings a bit too much

Short of pasting a fake smile on my face and carrying cardboard signs detailing how i feel about people, i really don't know how to change this impression.

btw- on a more random note, i noticed d'banj and his using a white girl in his current video- but can't the guy like a white girl again? Have we just forgotten the millions of black girls he used in his past videos?

On another random note- i was really irritated the other day when i opened the hair section of a magazine and saw Beyonce's poker straight weave being described as 'afro-hair' then i though about it and thought- 'hmmm- these magazines aim to appeal to as wide a demographic as possible and most black people have 'white' hair in the form of weaves and expensive hair modifying products- so even if the magazines don't exressly mention 'black hair', realistically they cater to it as well!

But hey- dont make this a human rights issue- im having enough pain from my chocolate fast as it is. *day 2*



he wrote me this...

am awake and its 12 am,all is quet and still and darkness fills the land i want you,i know i want younot for now but for all time, ive carried a candle waiting for you i dont know why, cant explain, dont want a rational analysis. your lips taste different,a faint lingering memeory that refuses to go. is it wrong to think of another when with someone? i dont kno you tell me, cos thats is how it is with me, thinking of you, how her should be you, thinking of many things. im hurt a lil when u speak of others with affection,i am happy when you are happy, i wish 'her' was you, but i am afraid, of you and the power you hold over me, i am crazy,'her is the available that became the desirable that has become the past. theres a lot i am not saying not because i dont want to but because i dont know how you would take it,  one thing i dont do is games especially with you, cos i value u more thand mind tricks and all. i dont kno what you want in a partner, what you desire deep deep down, i want to share. i know one thing though i love you. not like you a lot or think you are cool and  fun to be with, , just love pure and simple. i know about fighting, i have to fight for every thing, and im sure you know how hard it is.   im tired of keeping it all in, maybe thats why now im leting you know how it is, showing you a little of whats hidden deep down. now im fighting for you but in my own way. im not limiting myself anymore, just lettting it all out. i want to be the one that makes your heart beat faster and more. for now i am content with being your friend, even though i want more. i waited a long time to do this too long,cos i dont know how you would take it or even how we would be after this. now im not hidding it, im letting it all out please dont push me away, this is a start, maybe you would forgive me for all the unsaid words, all these years. i am waiting for you, still, patient, untiring, counting the days until.................please dont make me wait for too long love me, for who i am what i represent ......... love me, for i love you So maybe now you know a lil bit, theres still more, much more. tonight i shall dance with you in my arms as if today was my last day, and hold you close.


I dont have a definite opinion on most things. maybe its the fact that i studied law and i can look at anything as clearly from one angle as i can from the other. So i can so passionately argue about something one day and argue about the opposite thing the next day. It drives my friends crazy! 'babes why are u changing mouth'- hell it even drives me crazy! what exactly is my point?

erm...to be continued.


random realization past midnight

I've come to the conclusion that it takes approximately 2 weeks to determine if someone is ever going to like you or not. Be warned that after this period of two weeks-it might seem like their feelings for you are 'growing', but trust me-at the end of 1 mnth? Two? Three? The situation reverts to that which you guessed in the 2 week period. He really wasn't that into you.

Now I see some girls reading and recoiling and going 'yeh that might be you-sure aint me-people actually get to know me' yeh yeh-tell yourself that as you scroll thru your messages comparing msgs from week two and week 6-day 42. Don't get me wrong-im not saying it takes two weeks for someone to like you. Its possible that they barely even know you at that time. What I'm saying is it takes approximately two weeks (maybe less) for you to know if someone is going to like you or not. And you know what I think? That's a veery good time frame. Because you can walk away before you find yourself stuck in a situation where your feelings are not being reciprocated.

Why am I doing a post on you figuring out whether someone likes you-and not on if you actually like them? Well that's because u know within an hour of meeting someone if they stand a chance.

Ps-you do not have to agree-but you're welcome to post differing opinions (as long as it doesn't state that emotions are not an exact science-because let's face it-they kind of are)