Comfort Eating

For the first time in my life, I think I understand comfort eating. I've never understood it before, because when i'm depressed or just plain sad, my throat closes up and eating is the last thing i can think about. I've realised now that comfort eating comes after depression has been replaced by loneliness. Because loneliness is an empty feeling, you eat to try and fill the space and for a few seconds, it actually feels like the space is smaller. So you eat some more hoping to continue filling the space, and then you start to feel sick. That's when you realise you've gone too far. So you don't just feel physically ill, its mental as well- bcos noone feels good when they've just eaten an insane amount of food they didnt even want. And then the next day, the cycle starts again.

I'm sitting here sipping my lemon and hot water after my run- so no, i'm not comfort eating. I'm just saying now it's an experience i've gone through and maybe one person can identify with the process and trigger a stop.

Loneliness is an emotion- our emotions are part of us. Trying to eat away your emotion is like trying to drink it away. It doesnt work. Learn to live with it and one day you'll wake up and realise its not so lonely anymore!




Revision and Letting Go

Things ive done today to avoid revision...

1. eaten
2. studied a different module to the one im supposed to be studying
3. eaten
4. cleaned my kitchen
5. eaten
6. read cosmo
7. created a drop box account (those things are really useful though)
8. listened to new stuff from kate nash (that girl is bloody amazing)
9. eaten
10.edited a chapter from my book
11.writing this post

My exams are in exactly one month. I need to stop with the distractions or im going to be FAT and FAIL. Not a good look for summer!

Getting over someone is a lonely process. Noone wants to listen to it after it's over. I love how everyone shouts 'MOVE ON' 'HES NOT WORTH IT', oh and the most amazing 'THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA'. Wow thanks friend, are you done with the cliches now? I guess I understand it. If a relationship ends, it's likely that it wasn't 'worth it', but why do people always make break ups about the other person? 'HES NOT CRYING ABOUT YOU'. Thats not really the point though is it? The point is that you're hurting and you're looking for a way out of the pain without running away from it. 'STOP THINKING ABOUT IT', im not thinking. im feeling. So yes- my mind actively thinks about other things now. But sadness- its a feeling, not a thought. I know what heals. Time. But that doesnt change the fact that while i'm waiting for it to kick in, i want to talk about the difference between how I felt yesterday and today. How I go for whole hours without feeling anything. How I bump into the new girlfriend and survive- even smile- even make conversation!

I know people think moving on is about name calling 'hes an idiot' 'shes uglier than you', but common- Its about listening, patience- time.

*im sorry i never spell check and stuff- reading stuff just after i write is something ive never really mastered*

Enjoy the sun people!! (the ones that havent seen sun for a while)