Why do we ignore the truth when it's staring at us straight in the face. Why do i ignore the truth when it's staring me straight in the face? Sometimes something is so blatant..it's not even a hint anymore. It's a BIG FAT RED LETTER SIGN. I thought i was strong. Apparently not. I can't remember the girl that used to have resolve and stick to it. Now i can't even take hints and move on. I read too many books with happy endings. I guess in spite of my pessimistic outlook on life, i'm really an optimist at heart. And sometimes against all logic..i hope. Sometimes, beyond all logic..i hope. Theres a thin line between faith and stupidity and i think i crossed that line a long time ago.
It's weird. This time it's different.In the 2 years i've been single, i've never been so..relentless. I identify lost causes and move on. This time, i can't. Or maybe i don't want to. but why would i be setting myself up to get hurt?
It aches. but it's not a sharp pain. It's a dull ache. Like an old wound. I want to stop going back to him, but i keep going back. I'm hoping one day that he rejects me. Maybe then the BIG FAT RED SIGN will become clearer.
I need to respect myself. I need to leave him alone. This is what i tell myself at least once every hour. It doesn't work. I still give in to that urge to hear his voice. I actually said the words..'i like your voice'.
I don't actually know what to do. And he doesn't help. Actually he helps a bit, by putting a sign out there. But if you put a 'closed' sign outside your shop, why would you still let people come in?
I wish i could go back to the day when i discovered the shop...and drive past it.