6.4.08

Losing Control

I'm addicted. To Foil. To his voice. I love the stuff he says. I love the way he laughs. Gosh..im not in love..but i'm in something!! I'm still in control..kind of. Control of my emotions. But i'm scared that very soon..i'll lose that. What am i going to do when i lose control?

Maybe i've already lost control. He's the last thing i think of at night. The first thing i think of in the morning. I'm a joke. And it's funny cos now i'm meeting a lot of people. People i find interesting. people that find me interesting. But everytime my phone rings..im dissapointed if it isn't him. I'm on a slippery slope to somewhere emotional crisis begins. But i don't care. Actually..i care..i just don't know how to stop.

I've tried to cut him out of my life. But maybe i didn't really want him out. This is not healthy for me at all. He doesn't make me lose my appetite. yet. But he's pretty darn close. I'm actually crazy. There's no other explanation. But in the midst of my craziness..i cannot hope that maybe he might be interested. I dare not hope. And usually, im the asking type. I dare not ask. I really do not want to know. I'm acting on the premise that he doesn't. Because if i allow myself, even for a second..to think that he does..i will definitely go mad.

xx

1 comment:

Charizard said...

uhmmm...whether u want him out or not, anyone that toxic to you should not be around for too long...you NEED to cut him and make him stay out...I know its easier said than done...believe me I've been there but you have to...you really do...