20.11.08

I MISS YOU!! like all the time!! its so friggin annoying how much i miss you. I miss kissing you and talking to you in the middle of the night. I miss holding your hand and saying nothing. I miss the way you hold me tight and i feel like i cant breathe..but then i dont want to breathe..bcos being in ur arms is so bloody amazing!!

OMG!! I MISS YOU!

:(

18.11.08

Guys Guys Guys

i deserve better than i settle for. I just realised this. I never move on. Never ever. I always hang on and pretend that were 'friends'..but we neva really are. A friend would never have treated me like that in the first place, would they? I need to learn when to cut my losses and move on. MOVE ON. Now- i can count THREE people i havnt let go off. well one of them-its not him- its us- what we had that i cant let go off. I wake up in d middle of the nite crying bcos i want it so much! the other 2- i dont know what it is..my own weakness maybe?

Nobody believes when i say i'm never looking for someone to walk into my life. they just keep walking in. i keep on telling people im not ready..but guys- they dont listen- so how come im the one that ends up gettin hurt

Mr new guy! gee- i dont want someone else. i really dont. everytime i tell him this- he makes me out to be an ogre (in the nicest way possible)..bcos he really is a nice person..but i dont mind being friends- but thats all it is..does this mean i cant make friends anymore? is it always going to be 'us' or nothing..cos thats wat it always is!

*sigh*

Am i being ungrateful thats theres no guy shortage? Or am i allowed to pray that there might be a short break!

xx

15.11.08

This is by miss DM..and its so absolutely true..theres always two sides to the story..so before u read this..read the post before..just so u fully understand..if u already read that one..then enjoy this one!!DM- i absolutely love u!xx

My dearest Flabby

If only you knew I dont care how you look
but what i dont get
Is how it aint important to wash your face for me
yet you will slap on four layers of makeup before facing the world??

If only you knew
when i tell my friends abt you,
I only tell them the good stuff
Coz how else would they respect you
and love you like they do
if i told them the truth.......
that you dont like them
and the things you said about them.
If only you knew i wish you would do the same for me.

if only you knew
confiding in yor friends aint an issue
what hurts me a little
is when they know stuff about us
well before I do
If only you knew
all i ask of you
is to tell me when you angry well before you tell them

If only you knew that
not returning your calls
doesnt mean I no longer care
It means i've been busy, i've been caught up
or im having a bad day and i dont want to take it out on you
If only you knew that even when i dont call
you always fresh in my mind and busy as i am I keep thinking about you

If only you'd realise that i dont snore on purpose
and that i long for the day
when you will love me
my warts, snores and all

if only you'd realise
I dont mind you holding my hand
but i dont understand
why its only in public or when people are watching
when in private you always too tired......so do you jus love me for show?

If only you would realise
what im asking u to get
Is the fact that that I love you
thats why im with you.
I dance coz i like music
I chat coz im being friendly
but when the club closes
when the dancing is over
when the chatting is finished
Theres only one one woman always take home
that woman is you.

If only you'd realise
actions speak louder than words
when I dont say I love you
Im hoping that the million and one things I do
and im willing to do
always prove how i feel
without me needing to say a word.

if only you'd realise
despite my mistakes
despite my shortcomings
despite my imperfections
you are the only woman i love
the only woman im with
the only woman I keep coming back to despite our many fights
If only you would realise whatever I do,
my heart is always in the right place.

12.11.08

This is to noone..just so u know..

just so u know

i think im cute when i wake up

i wont run 2 wash my face 2 say hey 2 u..deal with it

just so u know

i care sometimes when u say ull call back and u dont

it doesnt mean im clingy, it means i miss you

just so u know

i will tell my friends about u

its not because i have a big mouth

its just a natural thing to do

just so u know

i will mostly tell them the bad things

when im happy i dont want 2 gloat and noone wants to listen

when im sad..i need sympathy

just so u know

i cant stand it wen u snore

so wen u wake up and im watchin tv

im sorry..not evn love can cover that one up

just so u know

i will hold ur hand sometimes

its not primary schoolish

its something i just like to do

just so u know

i dont care if u dance with another girl in the club

i do care when u talk 2 her

and ill b mad if u take her number

dont tell me to 'get it'

i wont

just so u know

i hate to cook

so if i order pizza or chinese

be happy ur not starving

just so u know

im soapy sometimes

so if i randomly say 'i love you'

i didnt do anything wrong

i just do

just so u know

ill tell u if i dont like what u do

that doesnt make me a nag

it just means i dont have to lie and say 'theres nothing wrong

just so u know

if u ask me 'whats wrong'

ill poor out the dumb story and expect u 2 symphatise

so if u dont want 2 know..dont ask.

just so u know

if u dont ask

ill tell u anyway

just so u know

i love you

5.11.08

A series of pointless conversations

1.
me- me and my flatmate had an argument about glasses today..it was over such a stupid thing but it was the biggest argument we've ever had. it was quite upsetting..i actually cried

boy- wait. u guys were arguing about glasses?? are u being serious?

me- i think there were underlying issues there..bcos really it was terrible..i was going on about how she doesnt respect me..she was going on about how i dont respect her

boy- its not that u guys dont respect each other. its that u dont respect yourselves..

*in my mind*..are u frigging serious?? ur telling me i have no self respect at this point?? i am upset!! There are people whose calls i havnt returned..bcos i dont want to speak..im talking to u and i have no self respect???

*out loud* i dont think u get this..im just going to go
boy- no chill..y were u upset
me- i dont need you to be my therapist..bye.

2.
me- if im really upset and i call u..the best thing for u to do is not tell me i have no self respect..even if it was true(which it isnt)..saying it at the begginning of ur speech was wrong

boy- havent u heard of tough love??

me- what?

boy- i just want u to see where im coming from

me- im just saying that was inappropriate

3.me- can u imagine my cousin said she dreamt that me and *jack were going out. people have problems.

boy- how does people having problems relate to ur cousins dream

me- im using my cousins dream as an example of how people have problems. it is a singular example backing a general statement.

boy- thats just pointless. it makes no sense.

me- just bcos u dont understand my point doesnt mean i dont have one

boy- wat u said is pointless

me- can we agree to disagree

boy- no. bcos ur trying to make out that u have a point which i dont understand instead of just admitting u have no point

me- i wont say i have no point to make you comfortable just bcos u dont understand my point. Can we just agree to disagree..half of the time u think i have no point anyway..so y r we arguing.y is this different?

boy- bcos half the time- ur wise enuf to accept u have no point

me- look, i just dont feel like arguing..most of the time..but not this time..im not going to say i have no point to make u comfortable

boy- i just want to hang up on u

me- y dont u them

boy- i just cant

me- oh you're so polite?

boy- i dont know. i just cant

me- so should i get off the phone to make u comfortable?

boy- do wat u want. i think u just called me to try and upset me

me- oh so i just called u to upset u cos that seems like a fantastic way to spend my evening??

boy- i dont know. i wouldnt put it beyond u

me- y did u say that

boy- y do you think i said that?

me- u know what? im going to go. i called u to say hey.if i upset u in the process..im sorry..bye.

Now..if ur reading this thinking..wtf?? are they 12? yep! i know its the silliest thing eva. the last convo is actually an abridged version!I know people are sighing and gasping at the fact that i dint just drop the fone..i guess im very tolerant.ive also learnt that perception is someones reality. if someone believes their own perception of things u cant change their minds. Ive also learnt that sometimes being the small person as opposed to the bigger person is immensely satisfying!! Sometimes i dont believe im an adult. these stupid things that i seem to constantly get myself into...Now for one last pointless conversation with a different boy.

boy- so how many people have u had sex with since you've been single?
me- ive neva had sex
boy- so if i had sex with u now..ull stain my sheets?
me- y d hell did u say that?!!

xx