But that person I long for- that person I miss.
That person who I just want to hold me.
That person who I miss just being with for hours and hours- just being, not talking, not doing much of anything- just being.
That person who would hold me while i slept, or wake me with a kiss on my cheek. That person that reached for my hand to cross the street- that reached for my hand just because he could, just because he wanted to...
That person that cooked me meals and made me eat...
That calmed me down when I was upset..
That person that pushed me- forced me to think and do- not to waste my time.
I could have loved that person...
But that person doesnt exist.
When we think of the past, we have to look at everything. I'm stuck in a place where all I remember is laughing and being happy. All i'm choosing to remember is the moments of perfection. Those days when I was truly undeniably happy.Days when we both were undeniably happy. But thats not all there is. Because if thats all there was, we would still be happy. I wouldn't wait on a train platform- hoping praying that i might see him and just say hi. I wouldnt call just because I missed his voice. I would just be happy.
So I need to let go of this phantom person. He doesnt exist.