11.6.08

Dear You...

Dear You,

I don't even know where to start. The way we met was not spectacular. Friend of a friend. But the moment i saw you..u intrigued me. Maybe it was the attitude, the careless half smile, the way conversations were always finished...but always felt like there was more..like there was a hustle for your time.

I was different straight away. Yes, i wanted to preach girl power and being strong! I wanted to follow the rules and make you chase me. It was a risk i wasn't willing to take. I called you. I talked to you. I became friends with you. But we were stuck in a time capsule..one that didn't shift. I still called..you still laugh..but u didn't call..You didn't talk to me..you listened..you answered whatever you were asked. My friends said..'maybe u don't give him time to call you'..i gave you time. nothing.

After a while, i stopped waiting for you to call. I called you..and i was happy when i made you laugh. I didn't analyse anything you said. What was the point..you were clearly not into me. Two months and not a single call. Not a single text. This is the point where everyone says I'm crazy. But no one said so. No one asked me to leave you alone.

To put it down is difficult. i don't know if what we have is 'a' history or 'my' history. Everything that has ever happened, i started. Our first conversation, our first dance, our first kiss. Our first kiss. If i allowed myself for a minute to believe that actions speak louder than words..i would believe that you felt for me almost what i felt for you. But its hard to pit action against no words.

Its hard. I don't know what to say to you. The words don't even come to me when i write. All of this shouldn't matter. you're leaving soon. But it does matter. Even if this is the last time i see you, i want you to know how i feel. I want to know that if we had time, you might have broken out of your defence and made 'us' happen.

This doesn't make total sense, but i don't know how else to say this to you. I don't know how else to explain that i have broken ALL of my defences and crossed ALL of my boundaries to get here with you. But somehow, it doesn't feel like a victory. it feels like a mistake.

13 comments:

Minky said...

Its 4:51 am and i'm awake doing what?
Eating!! lol

Beautifully written letter.

Standtall said...

You are so full of surprises!!!

QMoney said...

Hmmmmmmm,wat can i say????be easy oh!

Smaragd said...

i hope he gets to read this, cuz the emotions are palpable!

Lady Koko said...

THIS..I THINK..IS WHAT I FEAR THE MOST..when it comes to men....
p.s: U HANDLED IT THE WAY U FELT IT BEST TO....u might feel its a mistake now...BUT AT LEAST ITS BETTER THAN "WHAT IF'S"!!!!!!! U PLAYED UR PART.....xoxoxoxoxoxo

Charizard said...

hmmmn...

wow...I dunno what to say or where to start my dearie...I dunno...u tried but I guess some people will always be more expressive than others...but somethings cannot be explained away...It is well dearie...

NigerianDramaQueen said...

'It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'-cliche, but true.
Its funny how we break all the rules when we fall in like. Been there, done that.
No experience can ever be a mistake. It might be a lesson-but never a mistake.
This was beautiful hun!

Naija Idol said...

awww flabby.i think d pple above have said it all.its just a phase. it'll pass.

-xXx- L'amour -xXx- said...

sooo deep,
babes..this too shall pass xx

uNWrItten* said...

wow..this was really good and really sad...are you ok?

Pink-satin said...

i had a dear you post too a while back!isnt it therapeutic to vent in a letter

Ms. emmotions said...

straight from the heart i will say.....
sometimes, somethings we cant handle has a way of handlin itself gal

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