9.6.08

The reason why private is the way to go...(catalogue of unpublished posts)

I am pissed!! friggin pissed!! bloody pissed!! angry!! i would like to say im pissed at the stupid boy called foil that got me into this state..but im more pissed at myself for letting him get me here! Infact there are so many posts ive started and not published because im too pissed to continue..so let this be like a catalogue of unpublished posts...

post 1
I am pissed. Friggin pissed. Bloody pissed. Why do you have to be the way you are?? I dont understand it. ive always been an advocate for accepting even things that you dont understand..but this is getting really ridiculous!!

Right now..i dont care whether you like me or not! it doesnt matter because you're leaving anyway! But..it o

post 2
I'm going private. It's not that thousands of people read my blog. Infact its just a minute number..but still..because im so honest here..i think going private is the only way ill fell comfortabe enough to continue blogging with the same degree of honesty.

It has been a long weekend. Or a long start to the beginning of the holiday. actually the 'holiday' doesnt technically begin till after results..but anyway..

I startd writing this intending to give a step by step analysis of everything that happened but it seems too exhausting.a LOT of stuff happened. i might as well.

Thursday
My friends birthday..

post 3
If im honest..i fell a little for the little boy. My 18 year old..that soon turns 19..how exciting for him. He's still too young..but i fell a little. He's sweet. The day i stayed in uni all night and was hungry..he sent me every number of every place that he could find that delivered. Even if i should know better, he was always the one pushing me and checking on me. But as sweet as he is..'cling' is not his middle name. he's totally independent. He doesnt call me all the time..

post 4
People intrigue me. I'm always wondering what they think and why they do the things the do. What i do't understand is why everybody struggles to be different. How everyone tries to carve out their own island..create their own niche..so they have a reason to scream 'look at me..im different.'Most people forget that we are all the same by the defining characteristic that we are human beings. Being different is not

post 5
I understand people. At the risk of sounding cliche, i do. It's an exciting recent discovery. I see beneath the facade people paint..I think i spend too much time..studying and analyzing. my friend said i care about people too much..i guess that's just me.

I've also recently discovered my anger at 'the rules'...who invented the bloody rules?the rules that we are supposed to live by? the one that says 'hold back'..'dont show too much..but show enough'..'be mysterious'...'never make the first move'..'hold out till the third date'..etc..actually they sound more like relationship rules? but still..who made them..see tintins girl..she ticks all the right boxes..why?

It's just annoying that we always have to follow this unwritten pattern..half of the time i dont know what it is..everyone likes to believe that they make their own way..but when push comes to shove..we are all caught up in life's rules one way or the other.

post 6
It's been a weekend of learning new things. I spent my weeked crying. It was a combination of different thing. My exams which despite the incredible hard work i've put in havent been great. Rejection. When i got the 'i like you..but' speech. it didnt matter. i thought i didnt care. But it hurts really badly.

I'm a virgin. But only technically. It's not a banner i hod proudly over my head. The day i made the decision to chill..i didnt see myself messing around with anyone. I didnt see myself taking off my clothes. Now, somehow, i wish maybe i wasn't a virgin. Maybe that would help me to create some physical boudaries. The thing about me is..

And this lady and gentlemen is why i think im going private..so i can finish my posts..etc..and express my anger in faux-secrecy!

xx

20 comments:

Minky said...

Its actually quite wierd but I could actually feel your emotions when I read this post.

People intrigue me too. Human nature is rather complex! We may study the way a person behaves and hastily come to conclusions about that person. But what we dont see is the underlying factors behind their behaviour....thats why I try to look for the best in everyone.

Darling plz be proud u are a virgin o...its not like you are married so what is there not to be proud of? Besides its better to be one than to live with regrets...

xxx

soupasexy said...

eh yah, ur going private and i'm closing my blog:-(
i hate going private even worse.
hope ur doing good luv?

134ElitZ Magazine said...

i wish we could all live our lives like there were no rules or like it didnt matter nywayz. I think alot more pple will be themselves n boy will it be an exciting world..

and come to think about it, who really made these rules..movies? books?or the lives of others we watch..i dunno..buh i sense there's no right n wrong here buh a bunch of all socially constructed ideas...

Nywayz, i feel u if u wanna go private..Nice one. and as for ur exams, sometimes it happens..sometimes, regardless of how hard u work, its inevitable..dont sweat it, it shall all pass..take care

NaijaBabe said...

Going private? I.e invite only? Hmm

As for the exams, ou are not alone...first class babes are looking at a 2. this year, its been f***** hard..

Be proud to be a virgin love, I hear they say once u pop u cant stop...plus I feel an internal sense of respect for myself even if nobody does and so should u!!!

NaijaBabe said...

I'm good o!
Trying to get a friggin job and battling this bloody hayfever!

flabby said...

ok..let me clarify something..all the unpublished posts are unfinished..so if i finished the post on virginity..it would be more clear what i meant about not being proud!!
x

Sting said...

First time here. I hate those rules too. I tend to push it, but the truth is i do whatever i think would make me happy. F.U.C.K rules.

IF u do decide to go private, don't 4get to add me.

Charizard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms.cocoa brown said...

hahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHhahahahahahaahahahhahahHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHALLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOLololololololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ms.cocoa brown said...

DONT MIND ME JOR...i felt like you this afternoon...THEN I CALLED MY DARLING TOMTOM(bestie) and all she had to say was, "BITCH PURRRLEASE..GET OVA UR SKANKY ASS...SOME PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE STARVING" AND WITH THAT SHE HUNG UP THE FONE ON ME.....since then i cant stop LAUGHING....BLOG NOW SEEMS LIKE SUCH A MINOR PROBLEM...soooooo...... FLABISKOKO..PICK UP UR FONE AND CALL THE ONE PERSON THAT KNUS HW TO SHAKE U OUT OF A DULL MOOD....u just might be laughing wiv ms.cocoa too!
p.s: MS.COCOA LURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVESSSSSSSSS YOU....surely that shud put a smile on ur face......OH BEYBEY..OYA SMILE FOR ME NAWWWWWW!!!!!!

Ms.cocoa brown said...

P.P.PS; at least no one has been sending DSTASTEFUL MSGS TO UR INBOX....HW WUD U FEEL THEN...one bitch even had the nerve to open a yahoo account..called fuckcocoa@yahoo.co.uk!!!!HAHAHAHAAAAHAHHHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!! DAYMNNNNNNN...MS.COCOA DON CHOP FOR BLOG OOO!!!!!HAHAHHHA...it all good tho...deep down inside..they r just appreciating me..d jealousy wont let them sho it too much..ya digg!!!!!! SO KEEP UR HEAD UP MI LUVIE.....LET THEM TALK JOR.....come rain..come shine...WE MUST STAY FLYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Ms.cocoa brown said...

POST 5: mi beybey/....hmmm..have u ever tried to imagine a world wiv no rules???????? IT WILL BE A DISASTER if everyone is just left to their wn device......
on the note of being "mysterious" ..i think that rule was made for people like ms.cocoa..PEOPLE THAT ARE QUICK TO TRUST.....DNT WANT ANY TROUBLE WIV ANYONE...JUST WANT TO BE LOVED...DID I MENTION PEOPLE THAT ARE quick to trust??? I HAV LEARNT THAT BEING MYSTERIOUS WHEN IN THE MIDST OF CERTAIN KINDS OF PEOPLE(especially when u've been warned) GIVES U THE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS OUT TO GET U B4 U GO SPILLING OUT UR LIFE HISTORY....
even ur bf can betray u..BF= BESTFRIEND, BOYFRIEND, BROTHER FEMI...lol...whoever...

Enigma said...

My dear, unless your identity has been discovered...please dont go private..everyone seems to be leaving!!! Well ive joined the 'minute number' of fans..

Its a truly complicated world..thats all i'll say

Charizard said...

come baby I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooveeee ur playlist..ahnahn!

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

aye aye..i think i like you..lol

those damn rules men..cant stand them

i totally understand..sometimes being a virgin sucks..oh well

you asked for an invite..
drop your email at sproutingdaily@gmail.com so i could invite you

Lady Koko said...

2 GUESSES..WHO THIS IS?

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

wow, some of that was heavy. I see a lot of bloggers going private. But, if you remain anonymous, then make you no fear.

Anyway, I hope you are well and best of luck with whatever you choose.

Standtall said...

Take it easy mi-lady. Calm down.This state you are in will soon pass and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. But if yo u want to go private, do invite me to read.

QMoney said...

So tell me,wat does it mean to be a virgin technically???

Naija Idol said...

hmmmm. i dont think u should go private oh. not the best idea. wish u could finish up all those posts.