AM Ramblings

Delusional. Deluded. I've always thought myself quite rational. But that's what I am. If I met myself, would I like myself? Probably not actually. Its not because I'm not nice. I am-generally. Its not because I'm not funny, or attractive, or smart-all the regular things that people look for in people. I am. But I'm so locked in my head sometimes, that the lines between who I am to me and who I am to other people is extremely blurry. That's just the problem. The fact the I make a distinction between my 'in my head' personality and real life personality. Who am I? I can answer that question in a different way everyday. I guess we are all just a combination of different people. I want to know though. I want to be able to categorically state 'this is who I am'. Sometimes I talk about myself and I think 'this is such crap'. Is this who I am? Really?

Hypocritical. Hypocrite. I feel that way sometimes. I am that person sometimes. I'm so self absorbed, that I don't see that my actions have the ability to hurt other people. I don't think I have that power, but who says its a power. To hurt is not strength, its a fact of life.

Deluded. Delusional. You would think identifying it would be the first step to recovery. Expect. Expectations. Why should I have the right to expect what I don't give. Oh-thats right. I don't have the right.

I think I spend too much time inside my head. I should come out. Sometimes.