8.5.10

When You See Me

Don't be that person. The person who gets hurt when people switch. You are you and I am me. Let them fall out-of lust and like. It happens. Its not you its me. That's what they say. Accept maybe it is you. Maybe not totally-partly. Don't listen to them when they lie and tell you your perfect. Tell you to wait for the person who sees the imperfections as perfect. Maybe that's not what I need. Maybe I don't want you to think my flaws are beautiful. Flaws are flaws. Let's accept what is ugly as ugly. But let's see past the ugliness. But I did-i did wait. I did find you-elusive creature that saw the flaws. Does it matter if you accept the ugly and find beauty somewhere else? Does that create some kind of life balance? The truth is simple really. I don't care about the adjectives. Beauty. Ugly. I want beyond the adjectives. I want you to reach to my core. The inner solitude. Past all the layers of pain and sad-happy all the time-locked in my head pretence. The layers of searching-hoping this time I'll find me. The layers of tears, acceptance, longing for that elusive comfort that I've heard another human can provide.

So when you look at me-my priority is not for the things you see. Physically. Or the ways I push you away. Taunting your emotions but pulling you close. Hoping you'll reach inside and see me and still stay. Its not if I look good naked or I make you laugh. Its that silent acceptance-that when you look at me, you don't see adjectives or pronouns. You see Me.