I wish i could talk to you more- but i think words are words- whether or not i speak or write. Can i start by saying i miss you? I miss those easy times when all i had was faith- when you made me happy and i talked to you all the time. The times when all i did was to make you happy and doing things that upset you upset me too. This is a turbulent time- a time when I'm unsure. Suddenly, I've started to feel like I don't actually know u- who are you!? I don't want to feel like a hypocrite or to blow hot and cold- i want to be hot for you Lord. I tried to act like it didn't matter- the fact that we don't have that much of a relationship anymore. It does matter- in the morning when i wake up and at night before i go to sleep- and all the moments in between. It matters. I need you so much. But i don't want to need you without knowing you. I want to know you and i want to love you and then i want to need you. But then i realise i need you first. I need you to show me you. Then to show me how to love you. Then to let me need you.
So God i guess what I'm saying is lead me back to you- and while we're working on our relationship- can i just throw in a prayer for exam help? You know it means so much for me to not graduate average- and not just to me- to everyone else that has a stake in my life. I won't go into it Lord- i know you know.
Thank you because i know you are reading this and maybe in time the words will come more easily to me as a voice- but just for today, accept my hastily typed words.
Your daughter and your friend,