Did you know?
-you can get STD's from oral sex?
-you can get pregnant without having sex?
This is not a research project..so i'll rather not go into how's and whatever. Nobody i've ever told in real life has ever believed me. But ah well..'all i can do is all i can do but all i can do is enough'. Someone told me 'you have to choose which is more important to you..what people will think you did..and what you actually did'...It's true. The other night..some of my friends were speculating about if some girl had sex with a guy she invited to her room (after the club)...being the hopeless optimist that i can be..i told them to stop being cynical..what if nothing happened? Anyway..thats not my point..My point is that..sometimes you can't explain to every single person what you did..and why you did it...so it might be better not to put yourself in that situation in the first place.
Speaking of situations..i think i'm getting myself in one. Yesterday i talked to Foil. Ok..first of all..i texted him(like i said i would)...and then he kept texting back with questions..what better excuse to call?? So i called.. we talked for slightly over an hour. He made me laugh..i made him laugh(slightly disturbingly much)...I stuck to the rules and ended the convo (it was getting to a point where he was laughing too much)...
So worryingly..i might just be liking him...i can't remember the last time i talked on the phone for so long (to a guy)..actually.. i can..but it was a looomg time ago (like last year)..lol! Now im thinking..
1. Should i risk liking him and having him not like me
2. Maybe we'll just end up being really good friends
3. We do the same course.so he's really useful(that sounds slightly wrong)
4. Maybe i should just stop thinking too much.
So that's what i'll do. Stop thinking too much.Stop anticipating what he might and might not feel. I'll just talk to him..and deal with whatever happens.
My relationship with God is on the forefront of my mind a lot these days. Sometimes im tempted to just be someone else. Someone that has no respect for God. Someone morally degenerate. Because i don't want to be lukewarm. The thing is normally..i'm a very (for want of a better word)..moral. There are a lot of things i don't do anyway. But there's just this fear of letting God have total pre-eminent control over my life. It's like having freedom..you don't necessarily use it..but when you're suddenly restricted..you suddenly want to do all the things you cannot do. But recently though..there have been slight changes in me..i'm more forgiving..You know when someone is wrong..but you take the first step to make things up..that is painful stuff..being the bigger person..etc.yah. And i realise that just because it's gospel music doesnt mean i have to like it! Like before..my ipod is on shuffle. A gospel track comes on. I hate it. But i don't change it..because i thought that listening to it was somehow bringing me closer to God. How wrong??
I think i have an idea what i'm supposed to do with my life. It definitely has something to do with speaking. I realised quite recentl..that when i talk..people listen. Even when they don't like what i'm saying. My friend told me that i'm very inflluential. So even if i can sing..that's probably not what i'm going to use. It's propbably going to be in writing or in speaking.
Apparently..the guy i had something with last year..the one that has a girlfriend..she's not good looking(i say this with no malice)..and she's kind of chubby. Which just goes to show that even if there are better looking people in the world..if someone wants to be with you they will. And even though i've gone through the harrowing experience of being the better looking BUT rejected one..it's good to know that if someone wants to be with me..it doesn't matter how good looking any other babe is..he'll be with me.