Bloody Rules

Leaving my ex alone is so much easier than i thought. I had my hand programmed to his page before..it was automatic..check my msgs..then check his page..new status? new wall posts? new tagged photos?...now i don't evne remember his page until im logged out. Off course, there are some days when i slip..but hey..im human!! but i can finally say that..1 year and 9 mnths (gosh it sounds so sad)..i realise that he's gone!! HE WILL NEVER FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE!! lol...i don't know if its wise..ive just replaced one stalking for another..so this guy i met this wknd..its weird..at certain times of the day..i really don't like him...at some times..i'm thinking..just call..(i have his number but he doesnt have mine)...but after reading that bloody book called 'the rules' or something..i have to weigh every action now. Maybe before...i wouyld have called..it's not like im on some mad rampage to find a boyfriend..i just want to expand my circle of friends..but noooooo...bcos the stupid book is stuck in my subconscious..I dont want to do anything like call!!

It's annoying when you write stuff..and you don't want to put any kind of detail because you never know who might stumble on your page. Thw whole point is anonymity right? It makes writing stuff hard..if there's a need to refer to something that happened..but hey!

Anyways..this guy at church..he's really cool..but i'm not the only person that thinks so..Millions of other girls turn to dust when they talk to him..so..automatically..i dont really talk to him! i dont think he's particularly good looking..but i love the way he dresses and speaks..theres nothing better than someone who makes sense.

I used to be so friendly..but its like the older i get..the more the fear of being portrayed as (God forbid) desperate! it's fascinating how as human beings, we constantly need validation from people to see us the way we see ourselves. The way we hope other people see us. No matter how people say 'i'm dressing up for myself'..yeah right..if you go back home at the end of the day and no single person has said 'you look nice'.. there's that little sinking feeling that makes you want to try harder or give up all together..

Today..i'm going to either
(1) make a new friend
(2) call someone ive never called

Life is too short to live by rules. However, its not long enough to live by principles.


1 comment:

JustDB said...

LOL.. Hopefully u made a new friend that day?